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Dos and don’ts when your wife is pregnant: a survival guide

December 13, 2016



I’m going to keep this simple, fellas. Save this post, print it off and stick it on the fridge/in your wallet/copy it out 100 times a day until you remember it by heart.


You might think your job is done after conception, and you’ll next be required in the delivery room for hand-squeezing purposes, but the months between fertilisation and pushing that kid out are crucial, not just for your wife, but for your relationship.


Here are some hints for keeping everything harmonious…


  1. DO offer food and refreshments at every opportunity. Heaved yourself off the sofa to make yourself a nice cup of tea and come back with nothing for her? Not cool. A simple “Can I get you anything?” will go a long way to making her feel looked after. Warning: most of the time it will be a glass of water, but you might find yourself at the supermarket at 10pm buying lemon sorbet.


  1. DO NOT joke that pregnancy doesn’t deserve sympathy because it’s ‘self-inflicted’ or dare to say ‘you’re not sick, you’re pregnant’ when she’s yakking down the loo or feeling miserable.


  1. DO understand that you’re going to be wrong for the duration of the pregnancy, and probably a good few months afterwards. Don’t fight this. Repeat after me: “Yes dear”.


  1. DO read a damn book. You’re not going to be quizzed on it, but some basic knowledge about what’s going on in her body will help you understand and empathise. Ditto antenatal classes, if she wants to go. You might prefer to be at the beach or brunching (frankly, she probably would too), but you’re in this together.


  1. DO NOT, after reading a book, lecture her on diet, exercise or attitude. This will not go down well. Any sentence that starts “Well, the book says you should…” will be shut down with a stern look and likelihood of said book being thrown out of the window/at your head.


  1. DO try to understand that she might not be up to much on the social front, especially with non-parents (with their body-con dresses and endless energy) or at the end of a long week when all she wants to do is eat an entire pasta bake and watch TV. Which leads me to…


  1. DO relinquish control of the TV. Your wife might be feeling extra sensitive, so anything with horror, violence, war etc may be especially jarring. I’ve now cried twice at Planet Earth (the penguins love their babies SO MUCH!), just to give you an idea of heightened emotions.


  1. DO NOT bitch and moan about the size of her pregnancy pillow. It’s as essential as breathing, especially in those last few weeks. Given the choice, she’d rather you slept on the floor than discard it.


  1. DO treat her to a spa day or pregnancy massage (no, not a 30-second reluctant foot rub that you administer through gritted teeth and expect praise for).


  1. DO be as nice as possible at all times. Be as nice as you can, then be nicer than that. Tell her she’s beautiful, praise her on how well she’s coping, say what a wonderful mother she’s going to be, leave no doubt how excited you are about the baby.



But most of all, make her a cuppa and hand over the remote…



Any to add?



Don’t be a dick illustration by Veronica Dearly.


You might also like:  Don’t believe the horror stories – you can have a good birth 


One response to “Dos and don’ts when your wife is pregnant: a survival guide”

  1. haha Spot on! Esepcially number 3!!!

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