• mothership santa letter

What I want for Christmas, by Tabitha, age nearly 10 months

December 15, 2017


Dear Santa,


Here’s the dilemma, big man, I can’t talk yet, so my parents are having to guess what I’d like to find under the tree. Also, I have an older sister and they seem to have bought her ALL the stuff. They’re uninspired, I can tell. I saw the lady them looking at a stuffed camel the other day with genuine consideration.


So I thought it best to outline in a letter what I actually want this year. And it’s pretty straightforward. I’ve been dropping hints for months, through the medium of grabbing, crawling and crying.


  1. A phone

Specifically, I want to eat that phone that the one called Mum is always holding/talking into/making me smile at. I’ve tasted its wonders a couple of times when she wasn’t looking and I WANT MORE.


  1. Those things you stick in the car

Keys? They’re delicious too. Especially that black one with the buttons. Gimme.


  1. The TV buttons

The lady gives me these when she doesn’t want me licking her phone, and they’re pretty good. Chewy.


  1. Plugs glorious plugs

I learnt to crawl to drag my tiny body across foam matting in order to touch the plugs. But the big people watch my progress, and see my delight when I finally touch the power source, only to cruelling move me away. What’s the worst that can happen?


  1. Voucher for an experience

How about unrestricted access to the dogs’ water bowl? It’s fun, it’s free, and so refreshing. Or five minutes of peace and quiet to rearrange the bookshelf? Or some quality time pulling my sister’s hair?


Thanks Santa. I’m just an uncomplicated baby. I don’t need toys, just household item with a hint of danger.


See you on Christmas Eve – we have big plans to stay awake all night (no changes there).


Tabitha x

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