A letter to my firstborn, before she becomes a big sister

April 8, 2017

Little face,

Soon yours will not be the littlest face in the house, as your sister comes home in a few short weeks. You’ve just turned two, and I don’t think you realise that your world is about to turn upside down, though hopefully in the most wonderful way.

It’s going to take some time to adjust. For all of us. I don’t know what to expect, either. We know each other, you and me, we know what makes us laugh, what will make you say ‘YUCK!’, we’re in a rhythm, and everything is about to change. It’s scary, for all of us.

Your firsts were my firsts. You made me a mum. You taught me how to love in a way that has blown my mind, and cracked my heart wide open.

There’s a line in the Bright Eyes song First Day of My Life (yes, my music tastes extend beyond the Peppa Pig theme tune) that says “Yours was the first face that I saw. I think I was blind before I met you”. And that’s how I feel about you, like you were the start of everything.

And now you’re going to be a big sister. While you’ll have to share my time, I want you know that you’ll never have to share my love. I’m learning that love doesn’t work like that. So don’t worry. Even if I can’t answer you straight away, or we have fewer cuddles, or maybe your sister is there too, our bond is forever unchanged. I promise.

As for your sister, you have so much to teach her, too. And you’re going to be the best big sister I could imagine; brave and brilliant and kind.

I’ve cried, worrying that by having another child we’re taking something away from you, the centre of our lives, but we’re really giving you the most amazing gift. A friend, a confidante, a playmate, and I can just imagine the whispers and giggles, your little heads together in mischief.

She’s going to annoy and frustrate you too, I know (as a big sister myself, I get it), but she’ll always be there for you, and you for her. It seems you love her before you’ve even met her, and that makes me so, so happy.

You amaze me every day, and that will never change. And while we have your sister’s firsts to look forward to, they won’t overshadow yours as you grow and explore.

We’re so proud of you, and you’ll always be my first little love,

Mama x

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