Please stop asking when I’m having another baby
June 23, 2016
It started when Phoebe was around six months old, and if we were in ancient times when popping a baby out once a year made sense for practical purposes, I’d get it, but times have moved on…
I know it’s the easy conversation piece ‘Thinking about another?’ ‘When are you having number two?’ ‘Getting broody again?’ but please, please stop. Here’s why.
- It’s tantamount to asking about my sex life, and I’ll happily ask you back how often you’re getting some.
- The implication that one isn’t ‘enough’ is more than a little insulting to our child, and if we ‘only’ have one, I don’t need to defend that decision. Our family is already complete. And some of the finest people I know are only children. Just saying.
- I haven’t decided if I WANT another one, and if we don’t then that’s okay too.
- And it’s a big decision, based on family, finances and (mostly) sleep. Frankly, I’m only starting to feel normal 16 months after giving birth.
- If I do want a second baby, then I’m highly unlikely to admit it, especially to a colleague who asks me in the office lift. By saying yes, you’re then picturing us ‘trying’, and then it’s out there. And you’ll feel sad for me if it doesn’t happen. No thanks.
- When you ask a mum this question you generally have no idea what’s happening behind the scenes – maybe they had problems the first time and are too scared to try again, maybe they have been trying for years with no success, maybe they just don’t want another baby and are bored of batting away questions.
- The very nature of the question is weirdly intrusive. If we’re friends we’ll have talked about it. If not, think of something else to ask me: work, the joys of pasta bake, my favourite Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle and why everyone should start watching Line Of Duty are all welcome topics.
Thank you kindly.
Can I tell you how beautifully you have nailed this post? You’re easily becoming my favorite blogger. So, so much to learn from you.
Thank you – really do appreciate it!
Superbly penned! Going through the exact same thing!
Well done Helen, again tackling the taboo topics head on…and coming out on top! Xxx
Why do people think that it’s an acceptable topic of discussion? It’s a very private thing and frankly none of your damn business! I just smile and reply “we can’t” when someone thinks it’s ok to discuss, and watch the smile wipe off their faces. Maybe it makes then think for a second just how much of an inappropriate question it actually is!
Thanks for the blog. Lots of us out there feel exactly the same.
Simple and to the point. Love it. (And can I add the questions do not stop even if you have two. I have three and still get Enquiries on the inner workings of my reproductive system).
People can be so rude when they want to know such personal things. It’s up to you, you don’t have to answer them anything. Enjoy in your life and in your lovely family.